Transformative Ketamine Therapy and Spravato (Esketamine) Stories from Lumin Health Patients

The drug is given in three doses, five minutes apart. The provider hands you each nasal spray device. They’re easy to use, though you’ll need to break the habit of tilting your head back, as many of us do with allergy sprays.

 After spraying a thin mist of fluid into each nostril, you will taste it, bitter, sliding down the back of your throat. I prefer Lifesaver mints to mitigate the flavor, but everyone has their preferred palate cleanser. After giving yourself the second dose, you will probably feel the drug’s effects. My vision goes fuzzy. It’s like being sleepy, but tired isn’t the right word.

 Upon handing you the final dose, the provider leaves the room. I prefer they stay out, though they may return to check my blood pressure. Before they leave, I ask that they turn the light off, and I put on noise-cancelling headphones.

 I’ve curated a playlist for these sessions. It starts with a kind of peaceful but creepy spoken-word piece featuring Ram Dass, but I can’t really hear the words when the Spravato hits my system. It’s just sound. Electric guitar and percussion tend to be tinny and distant, so I suggest sticking to the deeper, rounder tones of acoustic guitar, piano, and double bass.

 In the sliver of light seeping in from under the door, I see the room begin to breathe in waves. Sound washes over me, and I feel the telltale sign of the drug working through a distinct exhale that sinks my body lower into the recliner, emptying my lungs profoundly. My mouth is gummy, but the emptiness of my lungs allows for fuller breaths than any I could take on the clearest, sunniest day, from the highest mountain peak with the purest air.

 The beat of the music causes flashing colors behind my eyelids. I feel like a child again, in a moving car on a hot summer day, closing my eyes to see the sunlight flicker through the trees.

 My hands, feet, limbs, and face fade away. I can’t even feel my headphones. My body swirls inward and, as if inflated, I feel like I float up toward the ceiling. My visualizations sometimes stop and start with the music, pausing for the two or three seconds between songs, which can feel like an eternity.

 The effects of Spravato can be intense, but you can ground yourself by opening your eyes and turning on a light. Though, getting up to turn on a light is really hard. You’ll be pretty woozy, so I don’t recommend trying.

 At times, you may feel emotional, and painful memories may surface. Just breathe—it will pass.

 At other times, you may only see bright colors—like neon yellow or green.

 When I begin to come down from the drug, I am often exhausted. It feels like I’ve run a marathon and taken an hours-long standardized test, all while being hurled around the circumference of Earth at its widest point. I’ve climbed mountains and gone deep-sea diving. I’ve lived as an amoeba and an alien. I’ve done and been countless things and creatures—all from a recliner.

 Don’t get up until you feel comfortable. The provider will return to take your blood pressure before you go. Before they do this, I sometimes stretch my arms and legs while remaining seated. I call it my “systems check.” It helps reunite my mind with my body.

 Then, I meet my ride, and I continue with my day. Spravato’s physical effects last another couple of hours—I may struggle to focus my eyes, and food may taste off or have a strange texture. With consistent treatment sessions, Spravato’s effects on my mood have been lasting and life-changing—I hope they are for you, too.

“I’m sorry—there’s nothing more we can do for you,” the psychiatrist sighed. It was 2021. After two hospitalizations for severe depression and anorexia nervosa, I often wondered, is life supposed to be this hard? (Hint: It isn’t.)

 In October of 2024, I sought Spravato after three more years of white-knuckling through life. Lumin Health was among the first options presented when I Googled, “Spravato Massachusetts.” Little did I know how much gratitude I would feel for this place and the medication that I desperately needed.

 Last night, my father told me, “It’s like you’re a different person. You have so much more kindness to share.”

 I cried throughout my first Spravato appointment, overwhelmed by relief and fear. Relieved my insurance would cover the drug, I still feared Spravato and the providers at Lumin would fail me like so many had before. Just over a year later, I sit in my sunny apartment, writing this because I cannot thank Lumin enough for this journey. And I agree with my father: I am a different person.

 The changes came slowly and subtly—then, suddenly.

 First, I slept better. Ever since turning 28 that summer, I struggled to sleep, kept awake by ruminations on my failures and anxiety about the future. After the first two weeks of Spravato sessions at Lumin, I was falling into bed by 10:00 p.m. and awakening easily with my alarm.

 Then, my psychotherapy appointments felt more productive. I always struggled to examine difficult memories, but during those early Spravato sessions, I saw myself as a child, adolescent, and young adult. I held her tightly through each lifestage. I comforted her as she reexperienced little traumas and forgave her for mistakes. Then, I brought these meditations to my therapist. We unpacked them. We gave them space to breathe.

 Now, everything is easier. I worry less about the opinions of others and more about what feels right for me. Before I reach Lumin, I set intentions. If I need to make a decision, I repeat the options. If something lingers in my mind, I ask myself why. If I’m struggling with a painting or a piece of writing, I consider it during a Spravato session. Overall, choice and change now bring me far less distress.

 Spravato isn’t magic, but it helps me make sense of things. It opens my mind and leads me to the answers already inside me. I now find joy in the seemingly mundane—walking to work, making dinner. I connect more deeply with friends and family, while also intuiting where and how to set boundaries. Once filled with apprehension, I now feel excitement for the future. I wonder how my life will turn out, not because I fear failure or succumbing to depression and my eating disorder, but because the possibilities are endless in the best way.

 Sometimes, I consider confronting the psychiatrist who once labeled me a lost cause. Part of me wants to say, “See? Look how well I’m doing. No thanks to you.” I believed her hopelessness, and it lingered deeply within me. But that bitter, sad, and angry part of me is much smaller than it once was. Instead, I see kindness around me now more than ever, and it overshadows everything else. I love and care for others—and for myself—with newfound ferocity.

For anyone who thinks they will never feel better: There is hope in Spravato, and there is hope at Lumin Health.  

My understanding of ketamine used to be limited to what I'd seen on TV – portrayals of it as a "hardcore" party drug. As someone who's not even comfortable being high on marijuana in public, the idea of trying any mind-altering substance was intimidating. But when my anti-depressants and talk therapy started to feel like they weren't enough, I knew I needed to explore other options.

Call it a serendipitous stumble down a YouTube rabbit hole, but I discovered ketamine treatment for depression. Initially, I was incredibly skeptical. It sounded like pseudoscience. However, my curiosity was piqued, and I spent hours watching videos from accredited institutions and licensed healthcare providers. The more I learned, the more intrigued I became.

Ketamine therapy and its purported benefits seemed almost too good to be true, and I was wary of getting my hopes up. Still, I decided to do some research and find a clinic in my area. That's how I discovered Lumin.

Going into my first session, I had no expectations. I'd never tried ketamine or anything remotely similar. What eased my anxiety was knowing I was in the care of professionals who could assist in case of a medical emergency. For intense therapies like this, ensuring the appropriate dose and being in a controlled environment is foundational for successful treatment. Safety was crucial for me.

What I experienced was profound. I left feeling more connected to my body and more aware of the circumstances shaping my life. This was just the beginning of my journey with ketamine therapy.

Upon completing my treatment plan, I felt an incredible shift. My capacity for grace and kindness increased, not just with others, but, importantly, with myself. I felt empowered to become the person I'd always imagined myself to be, and I had the motivation to make it a reality.

It's important to be clear: ketamine wasn’t a magical "fix-all," but it was a catalyst for positive change in my life. It helped jumpstart routines I never had the energy to commit to before. I learned how to change harmful thought patterns, and most of all, I learned how to be present.

If you’re on the fence about it, ask questions, don’t rush into the decision, and ultimately do what feels best for you!